


All He Ever Wanted

by xXSpooky_GhostXx



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abuse, Assassination Attempt(s), Attempted Murder, Engagement, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:35:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27622820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXSpooky_GhostXx/pseuds/xXSpooky_GhostXx
Summary: It was all his fault. He was the reason why Illumi had gotten punished. Now, it was Illumi's turn to punish him.
Relationships: Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Comments: 4
Kudos: 155





	All He Ever Wanted

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Setfiretotherainbow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setfiretotherainbow/gifts).



Snow piled up all around him, wetting his pant legs and slipping into his boots. His back ached terribly, stinging against the harsh fabrc. He knew that he shouldn’t have talked back to his father but everything that he had said was the truth. It seemed the truth was what people wanted these days. It was a true statement to say that Illumi was a demented human being, one with blank stares that rarely beheld emotions. He was the family’s successor until Killua was born, dropped down to the feeble life as his younger brother’s keeper. 

He did love Killua although that bordered the line of obsession. At some points, he questioned this obsession to keep Killua close and he came across the thought that his parents’ mindset had rubbed off on him, the mindset that all there is to life is meaningless murder. Illumi had believed that for so long, he continued to believe that even after he had met Hisoka. The clown’s changes were not apparent until now. He had been slowly affecting Illumi and the man hadn’t noticed until now when he raised his voice at his father, something he never would have done a million years ago. I

llumi cursed upon the realization that his phone was dead. He shoved into his jean pocket, wondering why he had let Hisoka become so close to him. He had told Killua that there was no need for friends as an assassin yet he had married another man. However, he didn’t know if marriage was the right word to describe what they had. A contract, that’s all it was. A deal between the two. A business affair. It was idiotic but at times like this, Illumi wished that it was a real marriage. He wanted a ring and a big beautiful wedding where he would kiss Hisoka at an altar. Illumi gripped his chest and cursed himself again for being so naive. Had Hisoka weakened him to such a pitiful state? How could he go on like this?

Would a ring make it better? No matter what, his mind kept drifting back to Hisoka, that stupid clown, and their engagement. Illumi couldn’t explain why he was so worked up over such a stupid thing but he was. Ilumi had never wanted much in life and he was never given much either so it worked out. Yet, he wanted a ring from Hisoka more than anything in the world. 

These emotions were the reason why he had gotten punished by his mother. It was all Hisoka’s fault yet he couldn’t find it in himself to hate him. He didn’t know if he could feel hate, all that filled his chest was a twisted aching love for Hisoka. A love that bruised and beat his chest mercilessly like thorns caging him in. He gained nothing from loving Hisoka but he was willing to give his all. 

His father had all but screamed at him the moment he announced his contract with Hisoka. This time he actually felt something from it. Not that sweet adoration he got around Hisoka but something more painful that tore at his throat caused his eyes to water. His mother had made a noise of disapproval the moment she saw the tears. 

“He’s made you soft.” 

Illumi couldn’t disagree. He had changed since meeting Hisoka and now he believed it was for the worst. The pulsing welts on his back served as a painful reminder that emotions were the biggest sign of weakness. 

He had let himself go weak. That was the simplest explanation as to why this all happened. He hadn’t been training enough and that’s why. What he felt for Hisoka was simply a result of lack of training. He didn’t need a ring nor a domestic lifestyle, filled with morning tea and warm breakfast in their big sun-kissed living room. 

“Fuck!” 

Tears ran down his face and he did his best to wipe them away. He was a pitiful assassin, no better than Hisoka himself. He had let himself become this way and there was only one way to fix it.

To get rid of the cause. 

His needles lay heavy in his bag now along with his heart. He prayed that these emotions would disappear the moment he came face to face with Hisoka. He didn’t know how much more this fragile heart could bear. Would it be so bad as to let it shatter? One could only do so much damage to a heart that wasn’t there, a heart that couldn’t feel, and a heart that couldn’t break. 

When their house came into view, Illumi nearly wept again because it was beautiful. Upon arrival, you could see exactly how each of them had decorated it. The beige Mexican-style home with greenery that lived even in the harshest winters was perfect in Illumi’s eyes. From outside, you could see the light pouring out, showing that Hisoka hadn’t gone to bed yet. Illumi almost wished that the other was asleep so he could get it over with quickly. But another part of him wanted this to be a personal experience, to get rid of these pesky emotions once and for all. 

He opened the door without any noise, normal for him. Hisoka knew that he had come home, he always did. He took off his shoes and Hisoka would come out to greet as he usually would. But this time, the clown was nowhere to be found. Illumi sighed for this would be harder than he thought. 

He walked through the house, looking for Hisoka, and was surprised to find him sitting peacefully in his armchair, reading. His hair was down and he was dressed in his pajama, his face clean of any makeup. Illumi didn’t want to say it but Hisoka was wonderful like this. 

Gold met black and Illumi reached slowly towards his bag. 

Hisoka placed his book down, standing up, “You’re too tense, Illu. “ 

“You do know what I’m here to do, right?” Illumi asked, moving his hand back to his side. 

“Well, it’s your home too,” Hisoka smirked, taking a step forward, “You could be here for anything. “ They both knew the true reason why Illumi was here, it seemed that Hisoka was hesitant to say it. 

“Don’t play around, Hisoka,” Illumi sighed, taking one step back. He couldn’t let Hisoka gain any more leverage on him. Hisoka already had the benefit of knowing the house better than him. 

Hisoka chuckled softly, a low gritty sound, “Fine if that’s how you want to do this.” 

Long pink nails were pressed threateningly to his neck within seconds. Illumi stood still, knowing that Hisoka wouldn’t kill him until he heard Illumi’s reason for this attack. 

“Explain yourself, Illu,” He murmured, his hand moving up to gingerly caress Illumi’s cheek. His touch was so soft and comforting. Illumi just wanted to sleep now but he had a mission to complete. He could not afford to fail twice. 

“I’m here to kill you,” Illumi said blandly, “There is nothing else to explain.” 

Hisoka raised a brow, “That’s all? I know you, Illu. If there was truly no reason then you would have already attacked me.” 

It was a terrible truth but the truth nonetheless. Hisoka knew Illumi better than anyone and knew his fighting style even better. 

“It’s my mission, I must complete.” 

“Do you want to?” 

“That doesn’t matter.” 

There was a moment of silence where they stared at each other. Although no words were exchanged, it seemed as if a conversation was going on. One where they pondered who was to strike first. 

Then, Hisoka stepped away, sitting up in his chair. He lifted his book back up, looking uninterested now. 

Illumi furrowed his brow, “What are you doing?” 

“Reading.” 

“Why?” 

“Because,” Hisoka looked up from the page, smirking, “I know you can’t kill me.” 

His heart dropped whether, from worry or hope, he stopped in his movement. 

“What are you talking about?” His voice trailed off in the distance, a tremor in his words as wonder him astray, 

“You can’t kill another Zoldyck.”

Illumi struggled to understand what the other was saying, “But you’re not…” 

The contract. 

“If that’s a contract then you’re mistaken, that does not make you a Zoldyck,” Illumi tried to argue, shaking his head. 

“Lumi, you’re so close-minded,” Hisoka grabbed a small box from beside him, something that Illumi hadn’t noticed at all. “Who says I can’t make myself a Zoldyck?” 

It was beautiful. A green emerald centerpiece with a black gold band, small diamonds embedded along the sides. Illumi could see words engraved on the inside. It read,  _ “My Illumi.”  _

He couldn’t speak as Hisoka knelt down in front of him, taking his hand in his. 

He looked upon Illumi tenderly, “What do you say, Illu? Will you marry me?” 

It was a yes, a confirmation among soft kisses and a year’s worth of tears. A promise was made between them and Illumi decided emotions weren’t too bad when he was with Hisoka. Especially not in the morning when he woke with Hisoka beside him, arms wrapped around his torso. Two cups of tea sitting next to each other on a nightstand, still steaming hot. The ring on his finger glimmered and it was all Illumi had ever wanted. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
